this actually makes me cry ;__;

I wish that I could say I’ve learnt something over the past few months in dealing with how I’m even meant to push forward when there’s nothing warm beside me, but I’ll be quite honest, no such knowledge is even existent or able to be comprehended by my emotionally deficient little mind.

I found that during my scenario with Amber, she spent most of her time directing her attention onto the labels and aesthetics of a relationship rather than the fundamentals and absolution. Unfortunately, for her, or for whoever goes ahead and involves themselves in her life, she’s most probably never going to change out of those mind frames. I can’t say that it doesn’t give me one of the sickest pleasures and comforts to know that one day she’s going to be utterly shot down, and is most probably already being set up for that kind of scenario, but even so it’s only a matter of time before a lot of realizations and terms are concluded. As far as I’m concerned for abandoning me, she can get fucked. I have nothing good to say about her, or about any of the people that have used me and walked out of my life.

The sad thing is about this expressive content, or rather my feelings themselves on previous relationship movement is that through Emma, Jedda and Amber… I actually have nothing good to say about any of them. Emma was an insecure dumbfounded little brat that couldn’t take two steps out of her comfort zone if her life depended on it, she’d rather sit back and criticize without making the effort to even look at how much of a fucking idiot she is- but truth be told. I don’t care about her, and I hardly think she’s worth mentioning. Jedda was the cause of my anxiety and trust issues. It’s only in recent times that I found out the little bitch cheated on me and /lied about it/ for 6 months afterwards just so that she could keep her selfish mind satisfied.

Amber was different, I don’t have anywhere near as much against her as I’d like to say that I do. I think she is shallow, dull-minded, unfaithful, inconsistent and absolutely beautiful. It has taken the absolute unrelenting force of my very human existence mixed in with a thousand thoughts of hatred just to pull myself out of what was an emotional cyclone caused by the fact that I was uncontrollably in love with her. She promised me the world, that we were going to get through things together, that we were going to find our happiness together. That was until the parties were better, the drugs were better. I’d go as far as to classify the fact that she slept in a bed with her ex-boyfriend while she was on “holidays” as cheating.

The sad thing is, in all this. All her mind was even capable of registering the entire scenario as is a tiny little game. Who knows if she’ll ever read this, and I don’t care, I really don’t care. Part of the triggers and workarounds that her brain constantly takes part in, is owning up to things that make her feel cooler. I use the word cooler because that’s exactly what it is, if she were to admit something horrible about herself she’ll toy with the fucking idea for a week purely for the fact that it engages what little parts of her mind are still attentive in thought processes that make her feel like the bees knees. suh sik bruh.

I express this anger, because I accepted these things.
I am better than her, I am smarter than her and probably more valid for the space that I take up in almost every way in comparison to Amber.
Yes, that’s a broad statement, but guess what. This isn’t Facebook.
So shut your mouth.

At the end of the day, she tricked me. I fell for her and her lies, her schemes and not a day goes by that I do not regret what she said and did to me.
I will never forgive her, she is not welcome back, ever.

Now I am back to a somewhat fitting description of a normal emotional threshold, and I would like nothing more than to see each of these people fall down into the depths of the earth as they all slowly begin to realize what they have lost as the fragments of their minds do break down. It’s all in good time, it’ll happen. Slowly, it’ll happen.

For now, I take to the skies. I was running, almost about to take off; but Amber pulled me astray. I won’t forget my aims now, but the fact remains.

It is cold, and it is lonely. There is nobody here.
I’m all sold out. 

this is me. and always will be.

i’d like to say i’m a chick with guns and a big boobs.

sorry world. i’m just your average looking idiot with long hair. ex oh.

Friends:

Best friends:

theyonlylikeyouforthecandy:

My mom calls me, and i’m like:

My mom yells at me, and i’m like:

My mom threatens me to death, and i’m like:

My mom tells me ‘i brought food’, and i’m like:

after everything that we went through.

can you really expect me to take this blame and hate myself.

truth be told, i want to die.

i don’t want to die; i feel like i have love in other places.

will those places really understand me,

will those places really even give off the illusion that you cared?

the logic, where everything makes sense, that’s my happy place.

i’m going to trust these people, who i am falling in love with.

then i’ll know who i want.

then i’ll be happy, while you regret everything.

the drugs aren’t my fault, i always helped you and then you left me.

those updates, they show that you weren’t happy.

you said you didn’t want to end up like your father or your mother.

but you let yourself go after everything i did.

you sit there, using my phone, doing shit to my animal that i gave to you.

you’re vomiting over everything, tearing up that beauty.

it wasn’t there for you to do this.

i’d rather you destroy it all then corrupt a memory.

but your father hates you. your mother would never make the time to see you. your grandfather is too wrapped up in his own little world to even find reason within himself to open up to you with the compassion that i showed to you every day.

i don’t believe the weed and alcohol will make you happy forever, i don’t believe that the sex will keep your heart content. i don’t believe that your friends will be there when you’re 50 years old and alone from the heartache with your 3 kids taken away from you.

i would have been; but obviously it was too much to ask for you not to go to strange adult parties and to stick by me when time is hard.

you just wanted to come over for the sex, and then leave.

you didn’t want a phone call, no lovey dovey goodbyes. just a fucking title that you could keep happy each day by throwing out a little treat and then bitching about to all your friends.

sure, you keep claiming that i’m “saying shit” about you. because this “shit” is true and i wont keep silent. because i have a broken heart and i have every right to say what happened and how i feel about it.

you’ll regret it all one day.

but then it’ll be too late.

i still love you now, but i wont love you then.

so long~

YOU CAN’T CLIMB UP THE WALLS, CHAIR.  YOU’RE A CHAIR.

YOU ARE AN INATIMATE OBJECT MADE FOR ELEVATED SITTING, NOT SPIDERMAN…

CHAIR, YOU’RE DRUNK.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CHAIR, GOD.

FUCK YA’LL I WANT THIS CHAIR.

CHAIR, DON’T LET THEM DISCOURAGE YOU. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM, CHAIR. IF YOU WANT TO CLIMB THE WALL THEN DO IT. YOU’RE ALREADY HALFWAY THERE AND YOU’RE DOING AN AMAZING JOB. BE DIFFERENT, CHAIR. REACH FOR THE STARS. LOOK AT YOU. YOU ARE DEFYING WHAT HAS BEEN THE DEFINITION OF “CHAIR” FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. YOU. CAN. DO. IT.

FUCKING CHAIR, YOU ARE NOT LYN-Z

DON’T LISTEN TO THEM. CAUSE CHAIR YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY.

CHAIR. YOU’RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

CHAIR PLEASE, DON’T YOU EVER, EVER FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LESS THAN FUCKING PERFECT!!1!

chair, have you ever felt like a plastic bag drifting through the wind?

JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH YOU ASCEND.
BUT THAT’S ALL RIGHT,
BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY YOU BEND.
JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH YOU DARE.
WELL THAT’S ALL RIGHT,
‘CAUSE YOU’RE A BADASS FUCKING CHAIR.
A BADASS FUCKING CHAIR. 

vee-myofb:

Normal:

Thinking about you:

Being with you:

Your parents look at you like:

And then you’re like:

kjakerz:

raymon-osis:

that happened to me xD

IF YOU DON’T REBLOG THIS, YOU’RE A HEARTLESS BASTARD. ONE TIME A GIRL DIDN’T REBLOG THIS & HER UNICORN DIED.